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2003-11-19 - 7:59 a.m.

Today I will take Ken to the bank and try to get him a business loan. There really is no risk other than losing the money and having to pay the loan myself. AGHHHHH Actually feel pretty good about being in a position to help and sure of his ability to repay. Worst case senario: Ken totally screws up, loses the business, can't pay the loan.....I can live with that.

Kim is asking Pat to leave today....Finally ...Thank Good God.....Worst case scenario...She doesn't ask him to leave, he bullshits his way back in AGAIN and I find myself with this piece of shit living in my house for however long for nothing, providing nothing, breaking Kim's heart on a daily basis....I have this recurring fantasy about hurting this big turd....I really can't live with this....If she doesn't ask him to leave, I am going to demand that he leave.

It just amazes me when I see women who are willing to change everything about themselves for the sake of relationships. Here is a beautiful, loving, smart, sensitive, giving, wonderful woman getting shit all over and willing to put up with it, wallow in it even, for the sake of LOVE? I would rather be alone than ever put up with any more shit EVER.

A by-product of being involved in Kim's problems and Ken's problems and Keith's, Karen's, D.D.'s, etc. etc. is that I haven't had time to wallow in my own sorrow and pain......


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